In order to enter into a relationship in which we can help someone else learn, and perhaps even learn something ourselves, we must be able to listen. This is not simply remaining silent while we formulate what we want to say when the other person takes a breath, but really making a conscious and sincere effort to understand the other person and their perspective. There is no point in asking the best question in the world if we are not going to listen to the answer. Why is listening so hard to do?
Confusion about what is really important and what is not can create overwhelming time pressures. It is very easy to fall victim to what Steven Covey calls the ‘tyranny of urgency’ where the ‘noise of urgency creates the illusion of importance’ (Covey 2004). Some of these pressures are real and some are not. Time pressures make it difficult to invest the time and patience to let someone else work through a thought process that is unique to them and potentially very different from our own. We have to let go of control to allow this to happen.
Passing judgement on the thoughts and actions of others has somehow become an accepted and often immediate response to human interactions. We can even have very definite opinions about things without having any connection with the person or the situation at all. Living in a very critical and judgmental world sets the stage for a defensiveness which can make listening virtually impossible. This replaces listening for understanding with hearing for judgment. We hear enough to decide if we agree or disagree then stop listening until we can explain why they are wrong and we are right.
Also related to time pressures, are the multitude of other tasks that compete for our attention and serve as distractors. Living in a world where the amount of incoming stimulus is massive and relentless, our ability to calm our minds enough to really listen and even learn, is severely limited. And besides…we would usually rather be talking, except of course those who don’t want to talk at all.
Asking probing questions can be a very important part of listening for understanding. Asking open ended questions and using non-verbal communication that sends a message of invested listening can allow instructors to explore alternative teaching methods to meet the needs of individual students and enhance learning in the clinical experience.